Lana - Entry 8

Not much has changed; I’m still roaming aimlessly. I nap whenever I find a comfortable enough spot, sometimes I’m sleeping under the bright sun and sometimes I’m under the stars. I’ve always been good at sleeping. I mean I’ve never had a problem falling asleep so the sun being out doesn’t bother me. Sometimes I just imagine I’m a lizard, basking in its warmth. I think I’m starting to get used to this, although all the walking is wearing me out.

I ran across a small town the other day. It wasn’t much, just a few small houses clustered together. I actually found it by following the sounds of children playing. There was a sweet, little old lady there who sold me a loaf of bread. When she went to hand me the bead she placed her hand on my shoulder and asked if I was ok. I don’t know what came over me. I just burst into tears. I couldn’t stop them. I could feel them run down my cheeks, my chest became tight and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know what to do so I turned away and ran, clutching her still warm loaf of bread.

If only Madeline had told me not to cross the circle. If only she had told me, none of this would be happening. Madeline would still be alive and complaining about my cooking. And Pan, what if Pan had been just a little braver, she should have stayed. I just know that together they could have come up with something. I miss my home and my bed. I miss having a place to be. The tears are coming again. I can’t help it, there’s no one to help me and I have no idea what to do. Why did I look at that stupid piece of paper? And what was Madeline doing with something that dangerous anyway? If only I had not been so nosey. I wish there was something I could do to make all this right again. There has to be something!