Lana - Entry 9

I almost died last night. Whatever it is that is hunting me showed up again. I’ve been so tired and I’ve tried so hard to keep moving but I’m just exhausted. I stopped for a moment, just to rest my muscles and catch my breath. All I had done was lean back against the trunk of an old large oak and I must have fallen asleep. I woke to the sound of branches breaking and I could feel the wind ripping at my hair. I’ve never felt the wind so violent before, like it was full of rage. The world around me felt angry and violent. It was so dark I couldn’t see my hands in front of my face. It was getting harder and harder to breath, like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the air. I remember stumbling to my knees and I started to half crawl, half run; it didn’t matter in what direction, I just had to get out of there. I could hear people screaming like they were in pain. I could hear what sounded like a woman wailing. I was so scared. Between the voices, and the wind and the darkness I felt engulfed by horror. But I just kept moving, I didn’t think it would save me but I had to keep moving anyway. Eventually the voices seemed to grow farther and father away and the wind lessened gradually to a breeze. But I didn’t stop, I kept moving. I walked for hours. I’ve stopped now but I’m afraid to close my eyes. What if I sleep for too long again? Next time I might not be able to get away.

I’m never going to make it. Truly, I’m as good as dead. I should just lie down and go to sleep. Let it come, its inevitable anyway, right? Madeline shouldn’t have given her life to save mine; I’m just going to die anyway. No one will miss me when I’m gone. That phrase makes me laugh. Of course no one will miss me when I’m gone, no one will even know that I’m gone. To the world the day I die will be the same as the day before and the same as the day that will come after. In fact, the only thing that knows or cares that I exist it what ever it is that is hunting me. Can you believe that? The one thing I’m trying to get away from is exactly what I’ve wanted to find - someone I matter to. In a way, if you think about it, its what I’ve been praying for all my life. I want to matter to someone. Oh, I almost can’t stop laughing. I should let it have me. Its what I’ve been asking for and lets face it, it’s going to happen anyway. Well, I’ll sit here for a bit. The world is quiet right now. I’ll sit here and just see what happens.